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Devious Journal Entry
2 min read
uhhhhhhhh my tv just went haywire...like, white noise screen and the digital readout on the cable box is conting down from 500 and every now and then going to the alphabet and the remote's not doing a thing. o.o
I think Deli fell asleep
Anthony abandoned me for video games -.-
My rents are asleep
My sister's out of state
Sofii just texted telling me she'll be back in school <33 and then: "boo, i need your help with something
"
Sofii calls me boo....o.o
Wonder what she needs help with
Heatherbear's upset
Tohru's ay her mumsy's
My camera's broken
I haven't written anything halfway decent in forever
Yay, music <33
Wanna talk to someone TT.TT
Kinda tired o.o
sorry i'm not on much anymore...i'll try to get on more often...but prolly wont....i should really start on my reading for school, i swear i'm gonna write the worst book report ever the book's boring me so far
I think Deli fell asleep
Anthony abandoned me for video games -.-
My rents are asleep
My sister's out of state
Sofii just texted telling me she'll be back in school <33 and then: "boo, i need your help with something
" Sofii calls me boo....o.o
Wonder what she needs help with
Heatherbear's upset
Tohru's ay her mumsy's
My camera's broken
I haven't written anything halfway decent in forever
Yay, music <33
Wanna talk to someone TT.TT
Kinda tired o.o
sorry i'm not on much anymore...i'll try to get on more often...but prolly wont....i should really start on my reading for school, i swear i'm gonna write the worst book report ever the book's boring me so far
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Reality? Nope.
9 min read
ever had one of those really freaky dream-nightmare things? like, it oesnt relate to reality in any way whatsoever so you're just left wondering 'dude, wtf where'd that come from'?
i woke up from this dream-nightmare thing over and over but when i'd finally fall back to sleep for a while i'd just be back in the same nightmare thing.
okay, sooooo i'm gonna give a full out account of this really weird dream-nightmare on here, cuz anthony's at school and jilli's prolly asleep and there's no one else that i text that i'd tell about it and hey maybe some random dream expert will read this and tell me my future or something, haha.
mmkay, so i was in my house, which did not resemble my actual house or any house i've ever been in, and i had a mother, father, and two sisters, just like in reality but i've never seen the dream family in real life, idk where they came from, but dream-me seemed to be familiar with the whole thing so w/e. anyway, i was the middle child and we had a lil white dog and my sisters decided 'hey, let's rent a scary movie!'...apparently we'd all seen previews for this made-up dream movie, and we watched it, and i don't remember it really. soooo skip past that ------> my whole dream fam was getting ready for bed and there's this knock at the door, and so, muttering something about it being midnight, my oldest sister answers the door to this little old lady that looks really sweet. i couldnt hear the conversation, but apparently the lady had asked for directions and then thanked her and left. so then my 'oldest sister' says g'night and everyone's aslp around three or four in the morning and there's a scream from the garage. my dream-rents then came behind me to the garage and my dream-mom was holding my lil dream sis (okay, saying dream-____ is annyoing, so i'm gonna stop that now) and i open the garage door and there's blood everywhere and my older sis is dead and there're paper towels everwhere & the door to the garage is cracked. then my dream skipped ahead for some reason----> it's the day after my older sis's funeral and my fam's in the kitchen staring above the fridge and my lil sis is crying when i walk in. i pick her up and she points to the spot they're all staring at, and i give my mother a 'wtf' look and she says in this super paranoid tone 'paper towels are dangerous. i don't want them near my family. so they're to remain up there, within reach but safely away.' so i'm left with my lil sis, who's four or five with cookie dough all over her hands, and i'm trying to reach the paper towels, which proves to be impossible. okay, so then the dream does that skippy thing again----> and there's a knock at the door, this time followed by the ringing of the doorbell. my little sister runs to the door and answers it like she's not supposed to, and i come behind her and pick her up and the old lady--the same one that my older sister ad given directions to-- speaks to my little sister, asking her if she's seen a little white dog. my little sister then starts on about how our dog looks just like the one in the lady's picture and then i say something about it being late (it was around midnight) and my sister needing to go to bed and apologize, saying that we havent seen her dog. the lady then smiles at my little sister and leaves and i'm kinda freaked out and i tuck my little sister in and go to bed myself. about three or four in the morning, i here her crying and yelling my name, so i get up and go to her room. but she's not in her bed and her bed's perfectly made. she's stil crying so i go check the bathroom, empty, then my parent's room, and they get up and say they can't hear any crying and ask if everything's okay. i tell them i can't find my little sister and i check the garage ten the living room and everywhere else, then finally i return to her room and notice something curled up on the floor at the end of the hallway. i call my rents to the hallway and get down by my little sister and she's just collapsed and cold like she'd been dead for a while. then i notice the blood everwhere and there's some water by her head so i pick her body up and the water's coming from her mouth and she has her blanket next to her and i start screaming at no one and think of the old lady and then guess what? dream skip time---> it's the day after my little sister's funeral and i notice this dripping sound and i go to the end of the hallway and look up, and, right above where my little sister had been, there's a crack that water's leaking from. i tell my father but he refuses to go the the hallway and so i put a bucket under it. so then later, around midnight, there's a single knock at the door. i go to answer it and it's the same old lady and she claims she's having car trouble a few blocks away. so i'm thinking 'then why'd she come here and why didnt she stop at a closer house and call someone' and so i apologize and tell her that it's late and there's a corner store at the end of the street that she can call from. she just smiles and nods, then leaves. then at around, you guessed it, three or four, i hear footsteps in the hallyway. they stop outside my room and i stay still a while but there's no sounds. i get up and open my bedroom door, but there's no one. so i go to my parent's room but stop because standing outside of the door is the little old lady, just standing still. i go a few steps closer and she turns around, looks at me, then steps aside as if to allow entry to the room. so i ask her what she's doing and she just smiles and says "sorry for your loss, dear" and walks to the kitchen. then i go into tmy rents' room and wake them up and say that there's a lady in the house and my father says he knows bc she came an hour ago and aid she's having car trouble and he said she could stay on the couch till morning. i'm like 'wtf' than i think 'oh my god this is just like the movie' and so, having no clue what to do, i go to the kitchen and, stupidly, ask the lady (who's facing the sink, looking sideways up at the paper towels) if she'd like something to drink. she turns to me, smiling, and instead of answering she tells me that we have a leak in the hallway. "i know" i say, and she nods and smiles and turns back to the paper towels. i ask her if she needs a paper towel, and she says "no thank you. i hear it's a painful way to die." and i'm like 'huh?' but before i say anything she turns back to me and asks me if i miss my sisters. taken by surprise i say 'of course i do' and she just does that nod & smile thing again and stands there staring at me. the next thing i know my vision blurs and when it clears a few seconds later i'm staring at my mother & father and my father's bent over my mother who's covered in blood and there're paper towels around her and my father looks lost and sees me and says "she and your sister always were alike" and i'm about to say something but all of a sudden the room tilts and my father's slouched over and dead and there's water all orund he & my moter and i turn and run from the room and there's the old lady smiling sweetly from the kitchen doorway but her smile's turned sickening and i can't breathe and i turn back and start for the door to the garage but then that's locked and i can't get any doors or windows open so i grabthis vase from the dining room and break a window with it but then there's a hand on my neck and it pulls me back and i cry and manage to say something like 'why are you doing this' and she says in this sweet voice: "Your sister gave me the wrong directions." And then i feel this sharp pain in my neck and it's all black. i guess i woke up after that, but everything was so real, freaked me out. i just kinda pulled my covers tight and curled up after that, went back to sleep and had another really weird nightmare that i won't start on.+
I'd understand if i had just watched a hooror film or something before i fell asleep, but i haven't watched on in a while. the last movie i watched was A Walk to Remember and that was a few nights ago. The closest thing to horror films i've gotten recently was when i was discussing horror films w/ anthony a few nights ago, but we didnt even talk about the actual movies. so wtf, where'd that dream even come from? haha, idk, but as stupid asd it sounds it was actually a really scary dream, which is weird, bc horror films don't even really scare me. idk, just weird, and sooooo, dream experts, anything?
oh, hey, i should get to the music....i'm supposed to be getting music together for my sister's graduation party thing...i'm really tempted to just fill a couple of cds with really heavy rock and screamo and yeah...but she's into softer things and country and as amusing as that would probably be, i'd be the only one amused by it so i'll get started on finding the songs on the list and see what else i can come up with.
i woke up from this dream-nightmare thing over and over but when i'd finally fall back to sleep for a while i'd just be back in the same nightmare thing.
okay, sooooo i'm gonna give a full out account of this really weird dream-nightmare on here, cuz anthony's at school and jilli's prolly asleep and there's no one else that i text that i'd tell about it and hey maybe some random dream expert will read this and tell me my future or something, haha.
mmkay, so i was in my house, which did not resemble my actual house or any house i've ever been in, and i had a mother, father, and two sisters, just like in reality but i've never seen the dream family in real life, idk where they came from, but dream-me seemed to be familiar with the whole thing so w/e. anyway, i was the middle child and we had a lil white dog and my sisters decided 'hey, let's rent a scary movie!'...apparently we'd all seen previews for this made-up dream movie, and we watched it, and i don't remember it really. soooo skip past that ------> my whole dream fam was getting ready for bed and there's this knock at the door, and so, muttering something about it being midnight, my oldest sister answers the door to this little old lady that looks really sweet. i couldnt hear the conversation, but apparently the lady had asked for directions and then thanked her and left. so then my 'oldest sister' says g'night and everyone's aslp around three or four in the morning and there's a scream from the garage. my dream-rents then came behind me to the garage and my dream-mom was holding my lil dream sis (okay, saying dream-____ is annyoing, so i'm gonna stop that now) and i open the garage door and there's blood everywhere and my older sis is dead and there're paper towels everwhere & the door to the garage is cracked. then my dream skipped ahead for some reason----> it's the day after my older sis's funeral and my fam's in the kitchen staring above the fridge and my lil sis is crying when i walk in. i pick her up and she points to the spot they're all staring at, and i give my mother a 'wtf' look and she says in this super paranoid tone 'paper towels are dangerous. i don't want them near my family. so they're to remain up there, within reach but safely away.' so i'm left with my lil sis, who's four or five with cookie dough all over her hands, and i'm trying to reach the paper towels, which proves to be impossible. okay, so then the dream does that skippy thing again----> and there's a knock at the door, this time followed by the ringing of the doorbell. my little sister runs to the door and answers it like she's not supposed to, and i come behind her and pick her up and the old lady--the same one that my older sister ad given directions to-- speaks to my little sister, asking her if she's seen a little white dog. my little sister then starts on about how our dog looks just like the one in the lady's picture and then i say something about it being late (it was around midnight) and my sister needing to go to bed and apologize, saying that we havent seen her dog. the lady then smiles at my little sister and leaves and i'm kinda freaked out and i tuck my little sister in and go to bed myself. about three or four in the morning, i here her crying and yelling my name, so i get up and go to her room. but she's not in her bed and her bed's perfectly made. she's stil crying so i go check the bathroom, empty, then my parent's room, and they get up and say they can't hear any crying and ask if everything's okay. i tell them i can't find my little sister and i check the garage ten the living room and everywhere else, then finally i return to her room and notice something curled up on the floor at the end of the hallway. i call my rents to the hallway and get down by my little sister and she's just collapsed and cold like she'd been dead for a while. then i notice the blood everwhere and there's some water by her head so i pick her body up and the water's coming from her mouth and she has her blanket next to her and i start screaming at no one and think of the old lady and then guess what? dream skip time---> it's the day after my little sister's funeral and i notice this dripping sound and i go to the end of the hallway and look up, and, right above where my little sister had been, there's a crack that water's leaking from. i tell my father but he refuses to go the the hallway and so i put a bucket under it. so then later, around midnight, there's a single knock at the door. i go to answer it and it's the same old lady and she claims she's having car trouble a few blocks away. so i'm thinking 'then why'd she come here and why didnt she stop at a closer house and call someone' and so i apologize and tell her that it's late and there's a corner store at the end of the street that she can call from. she just smiles and nods, then leaves. then at around, you guessed it, three or four, i hear footsteps in the hallyway. they stop outside my room and i stay still a while but there's no sounds. i get up and open my bedroom door, but there's no one. so i go to my parent's room but stop because standing outside of the door is the little old lady, just standing still. i go a few steps closer and she turns around, looks at me, then steps aside as if to allow entry to the room. so i ask her what she's doing and she just smiles and says "sorry for your loss, dear" and walks to the kitchen. then i go into tmy rents' room and wake them up and say that there's a lady in the house and my father says he knows bc she came an hour ago and aid she's having car trouble and he said she could stay on the couch till morning. i'm like 'wtf' than i think 'oh my god this is just like the movie' and so, having no clue what to do, i go to the kitchen and, stupidly, ask the lady (who's facing the sink, looking sideways up at the paper towels) if she'd like something to drink. she turns to me, smiling, and instead of answering she tells me that we have a leak in the hallway. "i know" i say, and she nods and smiles and turns back to the paper towels. i ask her if she needs a paper towel, and she says "no thank you. i hear it's a painful way to die." and i'm like 'huh?' but before i say anything she turns back to me and asks me if i miss my sisters. taken by surprise i say 'of course i do' and she just does that nod & smile thing again and stands there staring at me. the next thing i know my vision blurs and when it clears a few seconds later i'm staring at my mother & father and my father's bent over my mother who's covered in blood and there're paper towels around her and my father looks lost and sees me and says "she and your sister always were alike" and i'm about to say something but all of a sudden the room tilts and my father's slouched over and dead and there's water all orund he & my moter and i turn and run from the room and there's the old lady smiling sweetly from the kitchen doorway but her smile's turned sickening and i can't breathe and i turn back and start for the door to the garage but then that's locked and i can't get any doors or windows open so i grabthis vase from the dining room and break a window with it but then there's a hand on my neck and it pulls me back and i cry and manage to say something like 'why are you doing this' and she says in this sweet voice: "Your sister gave me the wrong directions." And then i feel this sharp pain in my neck and it's all black. i guess i woke up after that, but everything was so real, freaked me out. i just kinda pulled my covers tight and curled up after that, went back to sleep and had another really weird nightmare that i won't start on.+
I'd understand if i had just watched a hooror film or something before i fell asleep, but i haven't watched on in a while. the last movie i watched was A Walk to Remember and that was a few nights ago. The closest thing to horror films i've gotten recently was when i was discussing horror films w/ anthony a few nights ago, but we didnt even talk about the actual movies. so wtf, where'd that dream even come from? haha, idk, but as stupid asd it sounds it was actually a really scary dream, which is weird, bc horror films don't even really scare me. idk, just weird, and sooooo, dream experts, anything?
oh, hey, i should get to the music....i'm supposed to be getting music together for my sister's graduation party thing...i'm really tempted to just fill a couple of cds with really heavy rock and screamo and yeah...but she's into softer things and country and as amusing as that would probably be, i'd be the only one amused by it so i'll get started on finding the songs on the list and see what else i can come up with.
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can't wait till fall
5 min read
graduations--
my cuz graduated college with an associates about a week before he graduated high school---how cool is that? i didn't really pay much attention, but according to ppl around me & their talking, the soluditorian's speech was better than the valedictorians...in my opinion the soluditorian might've been good at writing the speech, but he sucked at actually giving it. "and to our -long, lost pause- friends,..."--with all the pauses it was too hard to follow. of course, what would i know--i was playing with Anna, my lil cuz, the whole time. last time i babysat--a couple of months ago--she couldnt talk. yesterday she greeted me: "hi!" i was like "omg she can talk nooooooo why do they have to grow up!" haha...i really do love kids. she's...one and a half, i think. most adorable ringlet curls, red hair, blue eyes---i love blue eyes. of course hers will prolly change in a year or two, her rents both have brown anyway.
my sister's grad was okay, it made me get up early on the first day of summer, wtf. thier song was....i don't remember...but my cuz's was good riddance by green day--yay. through that commencement ceremony i was holding zach (he's three, my mother's best friend's son) as he played with my phone & camera, which resulted in, of course, no pictures whatsoever. my sister didn't trip across the stage...sigh...anyway...i know i really liked their class song, but what was it...
speaking of songs! and music in general--in july i'm going with holly &...brianna, i think, to a warped tour concert, it's two or three hours away, we're staying the night and such, anyway....my grandfather is currently staying here till tuesday bc of my sister's grad and we sat there for an hour yesterday arguing about what's music---he claims rock is noise and entertainment, but not music. that went on a while...
i spoke to my oldest sister for the first time in quite a while on thursday, she's engaged--again--wonder how long it'll last...
i've been writing so much lately, but for right now it's staying in my lil green notebook, don't feel like posting, i'll try to...eventually...
as for pics, on the last two days of school i took a lot of pics, thursday was koala boy's bday, friday was the last day of school, i'm planning on making a collage--which i believe anyone can do given a bit of time and photos, but they're so fun, i love making them...maybe i'll post that
getting lost in a book is the best thing ever, okay, among other things...i'm reading this book i just started & i love it, but hey it's john green so who wouldnt.
sofi's moving! dif school next year, damn...koala boy asked for my # friday so i'll be able to stay in touch with him, sofi already has mine, and i thought i'd have to wait till next year to talk to anthony again but apparently while we were sitting at the school for two hours after school let out yesterday he put his number into my phone so yayy! oh hey, speaking of texts, there's jilli...what do you mean red or blonde? stick with blonde dammit!
Summer's setting in and it's off to a bad start, hate the heat, but hey w/e, a lot's going on, just kind of going through the motions, but hey so are a lot of others. stayed up testing anthony & rene last night, reminds me of a song...(aw...rene's rubbing off on me....
"i remember when
we used to laugh
about nothing at all
it was better than going mad
from trying to solve all the problems we're going through
forget 'em all
cause on those nights we would stand and never fall
together we faced it all
rmember when we'd
say up late and we'd talk all night
in a dark room lit by the tv light
through all the hard times in my life
those nights kept me alive
listen to the radio play all night
didn't want to go home to another fight
through all the hard times in my life
those nights kept me alive
i remember when
we used to drive
anywhere but here
as long as we'd forget our lives
we were so young and confused that we didn't know
to laugh or cry
those nights were ours
they will live and never die
together we'd stand forever......" --skillet
one of my favourite songs
everyone's got to have a friend that can fit that song...i know i have a few. i love them to death.
one of my closest friends just lost her friend...it's really hard on her...i hate it when people we love leave, die, whatever... but it's a part of life, unfortunately, the hard part is getting through it. I didn't get to know this person very well, all i know is that i wouldn't be able to take him in a pirate sword fight. So here's to Adrian--rest in peace. We miss you.
my cuz graduated college with an associates about a week before he graduated high school---how cool is that? i didn't really pay much attention, but according to ppl around me & their talking, the soluditorian's speech was better than the valedictorians...in my opinion the soluditorian might've been good at writing the speech, but he sucked at actually giving it. "and to our -long, lost pause- friends,..."--with all the pauses it was too hard to follow. of course, what would i know--i was playing with Anna, my lil cuz, the whole time. last time i babysat--a couple of months ago--she couldnt talk. yesterday she greeted me: "hi!" i was like "omg she can talk nooooooo why do they have to grow up!" haha...i really do love kids. she's...one and a half, i think. most adorable ringlet curls, red hair, blue eyes---i love blue eyes. of course hers will prolly change in a year or two, her rents both have brown anyway.
my sister's grad was okay, it made me get up early on the first day of summer, wtf. thier song was....i don't remember...but my cuz's was good riddance by green day--yay. through that commencement ceremony i was holding zach (he's three, my mother's best friend's son) as he played with my phone & camera, which resulted in, of course, no pictures whatsoever. my sister didn't trip across the stage...sigh...anyway...i know i really liked their class song, but what was it...
speaking of songs! and music in general--in july i'm going with holly &...brianna, i think, to a warped tour concert, it's two or three hours away, we're staying the night and such, anyway....my grandfather is currently staying here till tuesday bc of my sister's grad and we sat there for an hour yesterday arguing about what's music---he claims rock is noise and entertainment, but not music. that went on a while...
i spoke to my oldest sister for the first time in quite a while on thursday, she's engaged--again--wonder how long it'll last...
i've been writing so much lately, but for right now it's staying in my lil green notebook, don't feel like posting, i'll try to...eventually...
as for pics, on the last two days of school i took a lot of pics, thursday was koala boy's bday, friday was the last day of school, i'm planning on making a collage--which i believe anyone can do given a bit of time and photos, but they're so fun, i love making them...maybe i'll post that
getting lost in a book is the best thing ever, okay, among other things...i'm reading this book i just started & i love it, but hey it's john green so who wouldnt.
sofi's moving! dif school next year, damn...koala boy asked for my # friday so i'll be able to stay in touch with him, sofi already has mine, and i thought i'd have to wait till next year to talk to anthony again but apparently while we were sitting at the school for two hours after school let out yesterday he put his number into my phone so yayy! oh hey, speaking of texts, there's jilli...what do you mean red or blonde? stick with blonde dammit!
Summer's setting in and it's off to a bad start, hate the heat, but hey w/e, a lot's going on, just kind of going through the motions, but hey so are a lot of others. stayed up testing anthony & rene last night, reminds me of a song...(aw...rene's rubbing off on me....
"i remember when
we used to laugh
about nothing at all
it was better than going mad
from trying to solve all the problems we're going through
forget 'em all
cause on those nights we would stand and never fall
together we faced it all
rmember when we'd
say up late and we'd talk all night
in a dark room lit by the tv light
through all the hard times in my life
those nights kept me alive
listen to the radio play all night
didn't want to go home to another fight
through all the hard times in my life
those nights kept me alive
i remember when
we used to drive
anywhere but here
as long as we'd forget our lives
we were so young and confused that we didn't know
to laugh or cry
those nights were ours
they will live and never die
together we'd stand forever......" --skillet
one of my favourite songs
everyone's got to have a friend that can fit that song...i know i have a few. i love them to death.
one of my closest friends just lost her friend...it's really hard on her...i hate it when people we love leave, die, whatever... but it's a part of life, unfortunately, the hard part is getting through it. I didn't get to know this person very well, all i know is that i wouldn't be able to take him in a pirate sword fight. So here's to Adrian--rest in peace. We miss you.
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Summer
1 min read
sucks.
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Devious Journal Entry
1 min read
from metallica
to owl city
to breaking benjamin
to papa roach
to pink
to rise against
to dead and divine
to flyleaf
to panic! at the disco
to train
to gary jules
to lamb of god
to apocalyptica
to mcr
to marianaas trench
to a million other bands
i love music
how is everyone?
to owl city
to breaking benjamin
to papa roach
to pink
to rise against
to dead and divine
to flyleaf
to panic! at the disco
to train
to gary jules
to lamb of god
to apocalyptica
to mcr
to marianaas trench
to a million other bands
i love music
how is everyone?
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